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Twelve Days of Biden Christmas: Wishing you a very brandy holiday season

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Because it is apparently never too soon to start the Christmas carols, we at the Nuclear Option column have decided to write one of our own.

Go ahead and reach for the eggnog. Or leave the nog and take the brandy, as “The Godfather” might advise.

First, a little background. This Christmas carol is inspired by current events.



The National Park Service this week erected the giant National Christmas Tree in front of the White House, giving us all hope in this time of misery around the world. Such colorful jollity tempted us to think that even President Biden’s ghosted granddaughter might be remembered by Santa Claus this year.

Frankly, many of us were just relieved that Mr. Biden had not issued an executive order banning Christmas trees the way Democratic politicians are banning gas stoves in cities where they have maximum control. 

We honestly wondered if the tree might not be replaced this year by a Palestinian flag and a protester carrying a poster with a swastika. We worried that this year’s Christmas celebrations at the White House might be combined with drag queen story hour, complete with children dressed as stripper elves dancing for dollar bills.

So we were mighty happy to see the warm glow of the National Christmas Tree reflecting her colorful lights on the South Lawn of the White House. But that warm glow was not to last. It, too, would collapse under the weight of the Biden administration’s incompetence.

Around 1 p.m. Tuesday, the five-story National Christmas Tree tipped over. It reminded us of President Ronald Reagan’s admonition about the nine most terrifying words in the English language: “I’m from the government, and I’m here to help.”

Bureaucrats at the National Park Service who erected the tree later discovered a snapped cable. Apparently, they thought it was all a big joke. “As the saying goes, the show must go on!’” joshed the people from the federal government who were there to help.

It was a perfectly familiar spectacle of these Biden times.

But our Christmas carol is also a spiritual instruction of sorts. This is the season of giving, of course. But it is also a time of receiving. And when Baby Jesus grows up, He instructs us to take joy in not just giving but also receiving.

Elsewhere in the Bible, the Lord instructs us to give thanks in all things — not just the good stuff.

So here goes our first Nuclear Option Christmas Carol, sung to the tune of “12 Days of Christmas“:

On the first day of Christmas, Joe Biden gave to me a Toppled Christmas Tree!

On the second day of Christmas, Joe Biden gave to me Two New World Wars.

On the third day of Christmas, Joe Biden gave to me Three Biting Dogs.

On the fourth day of Christmas, Joe Biden gave to me Four Trump Trials.

On the fifth day of Christmas, Joe Biden gave to me Five Dimes of Crack!

On the sixth day of Christmas, Joe Biden gave to me Six Terrorists.

On the seventh day of Christmas, Joe Biden gave to me Seven Fentanyl Pills.

On the eighth day of Christmas, Joe Biden gave to me Eight Hostages.

On the ninth day of Christmas, Joe Biden gave to me Nine Mortgage Hikes.

On the 10th day of Christmas, Joe Biden gave to me Ten Homeless Camps.

On the 11th day of Christmas, Joe Biden gave to me Eleven Carjackings.

On the 12th day of Christmas, Joe Biden gave to me Twelve Migrant Trains.

I think we’re going to need more brandy.

• Charles Hurt is the opinion editor at The Washington Times.

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